Do You Know What You Want?

What You Want Wants You_ Ghetto Allegory March 31 2017_ Disney_Genie_Robin_Williams

We all know what we do not want, but, we are clueless as to what it is that we actually want and desire in our lives.

You each and all know that constantly, I am researching everything “Brain + mind + Esoteric Knowing + Kanaka Maoli wisdom” and of late, I have been studying things that can be thought of as being….snake oil.

Yet, undeterred am I, as per usual, and it is because of course – I went and asked the right people to help me out in terms of learning to relearn who we are, and more, learning to know what it is that we do NOT want. However, while it is that we know what we DO NOT want, we have NO REAL CLUE of what it is that we DO want.

And really…the one thing that I have been basically and pretty much almost dying to write about is a phrase that a “mind expert” by the name of Paul Santisi (sort of the guy version of my friend Melody Fletcher in terms of the LOA) and one that he repeats in all of his audio courses and all of his subliminal audio recordings, and while it is that I am well aware of the idea that in order for brain mapping and subliminal recordings go – the person listening must have an open mind. The students who I share this person’s recordings with, along with Melody’s blog all tell me the very same thing when I tell them that no matter what the hell it is …none of them really know what it is that they want, even as they are all and each very patently aware of what it is that they do NOT want.

I am not writing today to do more than give to all of you the one thing that, of late, I have shared with specifically other women, namely those who are being taught by me about who they are for real, so that they can get to their own place of Magick and Wisdom and learn to Be That Person….but, first, we must…MUST know what it is that we are desirous of, must know what it is that makes us joyful and what it is that we know would help us along the route of healing so that we can, in turn, go out into the worlds that we each and all call our own and teach others, as well, to know who they are, for real.

Most of us wants to know this – we want to know what we want, but, we do not know how to go about asking for it, because we have not ever been taught, even though we have been told that this is what we are here to do – manifest our highest best selves, everyday that we are alive and breathing, so that we can be the living example of healing that is always in manifest, because everyday of our lives, we have a reason to wonder why someone else said or did or opined the way that they did to us.

We are told, for the majority time of our lives, that we are not who we are by right of what we are, but, that we are who we are by right of someone else telling us who we are, and until we figure out that who we are is only and always only dependent upon our very selves and how it is that we conjure what it is that we will call our own homegrown medicine.

A Few Truths That No One Really Ever Thinks About (but is applicable to us all)

I am currently creating what is my new “thing” that I just do not yet know what to call it. This morning, my sister-in-law (soon to be former and for reasons of the men who we each married and who taught us about who we are NOT, the word “former” is a very GOOD thing…please, keep reading…) and I did what she and I do once a week unless one of us is not feeling well -we walk for an hour so that she can be taught how to open her awareness.

She is learning very well. In fact SO well that I really do not have to do more with her than to present her with the next thing that she has shown me in terms of her own broadening awareness and that she will next learn. She and I , at this time, are drawing to her what is the life that she wants to have and the life that she would like to share with one other person. Before we began all of what I call “awareness training for professional weirdos”, Misty was very aware of the idea that there were things about her that she had a hard time explaining, even though when they were explained to me, I was very well aware of what she was telling me. Misty has always been drawn by things occultic and things which hail from all those scary tales of Halloween and witches and goblins and werewolves.

Misty also has the one wish of the soul that all human females have, and that one wish is all about “right partnership.” In case you are not aware of what that term “right partnership” means, it pretty much means that before we enter into any sort of Divine Union, and regardless if it is on paper and filed with the government, or, the way that I prefer it to be, with only MY personally created paperwork – it means that you recognize everything that Spirit is telling you and is making you know that you are already joined in the Soul, and by that right, you are in what is termed as being “right partnership.”

Understand now that there is nothing outside of any one of us that is going to tell us that we are doing this…partnership…thing correctly – the only other person outside of ourselves is the other person with whom we are partnered with, via the Soul (where it truly and actually and matter the most)  rather than the government document (where you are nothing more than a number and a guaranteed tax payment) and via the Truth that is the very Love within any one of us. This is one of Misty’s greatest desires of the Soul – to share her Love, her Life and who she is for real with one other person. Of course, she has her own ideals about what this partner looks like but, on the whole, because she has been volunteering for my Awareness Training and what she gives to me in terms of working out the kinks in the hose so to speak, versus what I cannot get any other way unless I am directly working with people, is the truth that is everything that we are desirous of can and will be ours, so long as we each and follow a few different truths. Understand that not all of these things will work for everyone, and more, that for what there is nothing for one person to “get” and to understand, there is an entire world of other things that others WILL understand.

A very high level of Belief in knowing that what you want actually and also wants you (keep reading….you will “get it”)

It is not something that I keep hidden from the world, this thing about me that tells everyone that I want to know what makes a person behave how they will and more, I want to know what will make a person behave in the manner that they will once it is that they have learned their own “rewards system” for marking their work in manifestation through the Universal Law of Attraction.

The Universal Law of Attraction is not something that we are not all able to utilize. The reason why the LOA cannot work for some people is because of what they are willing to believe and more importantly, what they are NOT willing to believe – and for the most part, most humans believe ourselves to be weak and ineffectual when it comes to making the very most of our lives by right of our gifts.

This is not something that EVERY light worker and professional weirdo does not know, this thing called The Law of Attraction. The problem is not that we have been taught wrong by that movie The Secret (but in terms of that movie, we were not taught everything about how to make it work – only that it exists) but that we have not bothered to do more studying regarding how to make it work. We know that we are desirous of the outcome of things but, we do not want to do the work involved, for whatever reason it is that we have.

What I mean by this is that what is “our shit” will remain as our shit until we have learned what our shit is meant to teach us.

The one thing that our personal and own shit will never teach us unless and until we are ready and willing for it all to happen for us (keep reading….you will find out what I mean when you get to that part….) is that we are not meant to hurt and that we believe the ugly things far sooner and more intently than we will believe what we also know is good about who we are.

We will believe, via the rewards system set up by organized religion, politics and social agreements (different than social contracts) that we are inherently bad, and this is a lie – we are not bad, we are ignorant. Ignorance is also not a bad thing, because all it means is that we do not know or that we have no knowledge of what it is that we want to learn and to know. Prior to my deeper studies in the Universal Law of Attraction I was only manifesting ridiculous things, silly things that I could have purchased. I was intent on making my life better in the tangible way.

What I was not aware of was that Spirit had my back the whole time, and that what I wanted was NOT anything OTHER than right partnership. I did not know that that is what I wanted, neither that the things that I am creating to happen in my life have always been in creation mode and that all I really needed was a very high willingness to believe that I deserved exactly what I want and desire.

I did not realize that I had already had that right partnership and that I was who was the defining part, up until the moment that I walked back into David’s life. At that moment, I had proof of my own power, and I did not know it yet – I was still convinced that I was no where near the measure of power that I needed to be in order to see to it that this one thing, with specifically this one person, would be the very truth of not only my own power, but the power that was, in that moment, through David, amplified because he, too, had this same thing in his thoughts, in his manifestation – he wanted to not walk the path of this lifetime by himself, and his soul was ready to accept the one thing that he was also as desirous of.

What I was not thinking about in terms of right partnership was that the things that I was doing were directly related to all things “relationship with one other person.” Of course when we are being taught by the Goddess those things that we MUST know so that we can effectively see to those things that we want to make happen in our lives, we are not aware of it. Those lessons come to us through others, and in my case, LOTS of those lessons come through the love of my life – this beautiful human soul named David and for the very life of himself, just like I cannot see my own, he also cannot see his own greatness that is self cultivated.

I see it.

He knows that I see it, but, again….I had to teach myself to see these things in myself so that I would recognize them in others and make them aware of that energy in them.

That I can see it is one thing, but, that they are not aware that it exists is the challenge, namely for people like me, like David, like Misty and Amber and Dannie and Ling….we are not aware of our own measures of greatness, and it is by design that we do not, for the purpose of not just keeping us humble within that greatness, but more, so through that humility, others will be able to better and more comfortably approach us and not have that fear there that told them when they were kids that they need to fear people like us. (Bear with me…you all know I have to write a lot to get my point across…)

It was not until recently – a little more than a week ago – that my David figured out what the key ingredient for mastery of the Law of Attraction – it is belief.

This is the very same for us all, this inability to forget about doubting our power, forget about this side of the veil of consciousness for a fleeting moment of time and BELIEVE.

What Melody says….

My friend Melody, the one to whom I refer as being the very Goddess of Gettin’, because she is who taught me in the “textbook” manner, through her Deliberate Receiving blog, that the most important formula that any human being needs in terms of making their lives great and seeing the proof as it rolls in, is belief. And this is simply referring to that whole, “rewards system” thing that we have no idea is what has been controlling us, more than much else has been, for the majority time of our lives.

When we are believing things that made us hurt and made us want to die, made us not believe in ourselves, the way that we can use that energy is to do what I call “stepping in front of that thought” and creating, through practice, a newer, lighter-energy thought that is the same thing but better, more applicable to you, and most of all, BELIEVABLE.

This is the part that I am talking about when I tell anyone that the movie The Secret is great, so long as a person is of a high willingness to step outside of that learning and allow it to grow bigger through studying other things and taking active part as your own teacher (hey – we Professional Weirdos can only do and teach so much…you, the participant of life, also must adopt an energy of DOING…keep reading…). A high willingness to believe is the biggest part of all of this, because without belief in something, it cannot exist.

So, first of all, the one thing that anyone at all who is trying to learn how to become who they really are, for real, you must adopt a high willingness to believe that what it is that you are desirous of is the truth of you. Without this, you cannot manifest anything other than questions in your head that cause you to want to not go forward with you and your life. When you learn to believe (yes – you read that right – LEARN TO BELIEVE) that your visions are the truth, and when you believe in what it is that you want, that you want to do, that you are desirous of in your life, you begin to see proof, not just that you deserve what it is that you want to have, not just that to this moment you have chosen to learn to be that which you desire to be.

You MUST believe in what it is that you are desirous of and more, that you are worthy to have what it is that you believe in, that you are desirous of – if you do not believe that you deserve good things, you will experience more reasons as to why it is that you are believing that you do not deserve that beauty unless it is somehow fractured and comes with conditions. Conditional Love is NEVER the truth of anyone with a heartbeat. Ever. We were not conceived through conditional Love, and this means that we ought to not live in the energy that is also conditional Love. You must believe that you are worthy of what it is that you can “see” with your mind’s eyes and you must create that energy and pare it down from its own special energetic outlandishness to something lots more believable, lots easier to wrap one’s own thoughts, beliefs and ability to use towards manifestation, and lots easier in terms of resting one’s own head from the thoughts that we are not able to manifest our lives.

I promise you that we are.

I promise you that here very soon there will be feet on a wooden floor, that there will be fractured souls from all over the place coming to learn this brand of medicine for life and I promise you that when I get completely and totally out of my own way and I have ultimately cleared all of my own crap from my own abilities to believe (not that hard…I’m a Pisces…it’s sort of our motto…”I BELIEVE”)…not only will I have realized that which is the thing that I so desired, I will not know that when I finally DO realize it, I will have been in that measure for a very long time.

Basically, I had to relieve myself of all doubt in terms of what it was and is that I chose to believe. I could believe all of the shit that people told me for the majority time of my life, and I could stay in that energy in hopes that soon enough, if I just changed the way that I think about what anyone else at all has to say, has to think, be, know, do, judge anyone else about at all, that it would make all of the difference in the world and in doing so, I would change up my own chances at right manifestation.

I was wrong. Dead wrong, and it was not until I chose to think in a different manner about things that had to do with me and why it was that I chose to believe the untruths that anyone else opined to me that was me according to them. It was not. It was never, and I certainly do not want other people having to wait this long to know what it is that is impeding them. Rather than purchasing these things through audio recordings, save your money and when you are able to direct your thoughts, THEN spend the money but don’t spend it on THINGS – spend it on HUMANS who are able to teach what you are learning right now and who specialize in retraining of the brain cave. Indeed – this IS someone like me, like Melody, like Paul Santisi and lots and lots of people who I share the professional air with….

What you want also wants you…

There will be another blog about this one thing, the idea that what we want in our lives also wants to be in our lives in the capacity that we visualize it there.

Paul Santisi is a meditation teacher, as much as Melody is a LOA teacher (and much like I am the same thing, just in my own way….please keep reading…) and from both of them I have learned one very dear, very important truth, and it is this truth that  makes me KNOW that when someone says that they would rather have something that ends their lives, rather than the chance and the opportunity to try to raise their vibration and their chances at not ever having to deal with the same hurtful energies that they have in the past, and those horrid things, no matter how much they state that that is what they want, the proof that is positive is the FACT that those ugly things have not happened to them.


What I am trying to say is that, whatever it is that is more important that you learn, versus doing everything that you can to deny yourself the GOOD things that are still in your life (called REWARD…in the psychological sense, that is….repeating behaviors…Pavlovian dogs tell us the whole story…) – whatever that is and no matter what, you WILL be learning that lesson, because really, the other thing that I have just begun, a few days ago, reading and deciphering, is this thing referred to as being a contract with God.

Through these contracts that we each and all create with ourselves, throughout every lifetime that we experience, we learn things that are pertinent to the thing that we are meant to be in these bodies for.  Biblically, the proverbial contract with God can mean a whole lot of things, but, for the most part, it refers to human beings behaving morally, treating one another justly, and not taking advantage of other people for one’s own gain. In referring to “God” what I have always felt that this energy is about is our level of integrity – that thing that keeps us doing right by others, keeps us behaving in the manner that we would want others to behave towards us. On that level, I get the whole “God” thing….


An actual contract with God is a contract made between you and your God and between no one else. That would be, for me, the contracted promise that I made to my very dear self to not allow the thought in my head that I am unworthy as a soul, that I do not deserve the Love that I have for myself, and more, that I do not deserve the evidence of this Love within me that is shown to me through David. He knows that I Love Me. It took me a little while to learn to do it, but, I did it….Loving one’s own self is an important part of this mystical contract with God that so many bible thumping crazy people want to make us understand that they are who have been chosen by whoever their fucking God is for whatever god damned purpose they have for shoving that guy in our face always..

I am so not talking about those guys. I am talking about the people who we know and who are in our lives and who daily show us their adherence to their own level of worth, own level of Self-Love, and that they are ready to receive what it is that they are both wanting and needing in their lives. It is the energy of belief that has them getting what they so desire into their lives.

It is not money.

It is not a connection or an insider.

It is nothing outside of anyone at all that causes there to be a way made towards their desire via the Law of Attraction – it is only that over time, they kept on believing that they would have what they wanted (or believing what they did NOT want) and ended up with what they wanted. It had everything to do with believing in whatever it was that they were manifesting and the fact that they knew they were worthy of it. It has everything to do with doing all of the work on the self and getting to know one’s own self for real and looking at who you are and accepting everything about you – even and especially the shit you cannot stand or are ashamed of looking at, examining and bothering to acknowledge. Those sore spots are there to remind you that this is where you need the most self work, and it is called self-love and self-acceptance and that is a very hard thing to do…Love, accept and embrace every part of our own selves.


So, totally – what you want wants you. It wants to be with you and wants you to be happy. It is trying as hard as you are to make its way to you, because yes, what you want, also wants you. It can be anything. It does not have to be any kind of relationship. It can be anything, as long as it gives more pleasure and Love to the cosmic groove thing and makes it possible that other people know that what you want wants you.

I am going to stop here….so that you can stop to think, for real about what your answer to this question is “Do You Know What You DO Want?” and of course, feel free to make comments about them…the reason that I will stop here is because thinking about this phrase – “What You Want Wants You” and how dearly it is that we forget about the Law of Reciprocity. (The law of reciprocal energies….it is totally a frequency…totally a quantum physics things but not the sort that would call anyone a geek of the quantum physics sort…keep reading…) (almost pau)

So, for now, rather than wrapping things up with a statement, how about let’s all just think about how big an idea it is….

“What You Want, Wants You..” 

(Paul Santisi)