When we pay attention to what is going on in our lives, we find out why it is all happening. When we find out why it is happening we also and then can find the opportunity in it all.
I was told that I would laugh about it all, the time that I was locked up in the womenʻs county jail here in Los Angeles.
I promise it was not funny, and I am likely not going to laugh about anything other than this teeny tiny little person who went by the name of “Katie Boo” and that is all I will say about her.
I wonʻt get into specifics because the frank truth is that I just want to put that experience behind me and not think about what I saw inside that place. I know, for sure, that what I saw, and heard, and felt, and smelled, and everything else that would hit oneʻs physical senses was not only because I would feel those things anyway, but, because I would have to learn to seek the opportunities in all of what was happened.
We shall say that I had a failure to appear for a court date that I had no idea was on the court calendar and that once it was that things on the monetary side were settled, it was, at that moment, over with.
I was wrong but at the same time, there are places of business who ought to not depend on the ignorance of their customers to gain them their profits that seem to them to be that shit called “easy money.” If this is the way that you run your business, you can depend on the idea that you have created the Karma that you will soon learn is yours and not by my hand – that is retaliatory.
I do not retaliate.
I ask that the Truths of any situation be revealed with a swiftness. While it is that the Truths of at least that one thing are upon me and the business who made this happen is besides the point – the thing that I Am gleaning from this, from all of this, from the time that it all started last July until this very moment in time – I have chosen to literally use what I saw and felt and experienced physically to be the thing that allows my Magickal Mind to do its thing.
Its “thing” is that thing that I Do – that Life Coaching thing that I Am All About…and now, have to make another branch of it for myself, given that at this time in my life, I now have this experience as an inmate, even if only for a few days. And really, that is how I managed to get through the horrors of that place. We shall say that even though you might have seen things on television that tells you that the people who go to those places deserve to be there, what you are not seeing are the things that I was told, the things that I heard these women saying without actually saying it – it is all sadness in there, and from that sadness spawns either the thing that is actually trying to be had (a correction of the habitual wrong behaviors which lead to taking wrong action and making wrong choices) or, the thing that is actually had, which is more of the same thing that causes anyone to be rightfully placed in such an awful place.
I was not rightfully meant to be there, and I know that I Am right – my cards told me I Am right.
My specific cards are rarely ever wrong.
Wearing the Reverend Hat
Before I was even in #county blues, I was already proverbially wearing the mask of the ordained Reverend, Reverend Roxie herself – in the frikkinʻ clink, of all places.
Iʻd always planned it that way, should it have been that I would ever be locked up – that I would go into it as if I were on a mission of sorts, and that I was going in there to observe the behaviors of other human female beings, from the deputies who behaved in the most professional manner that I have ever seen (versus the ones who are on this side of the slamming metal doors who patrol the unincorporated areas of Los Angeles County) all the way to those who were in there and have been in there on so many occasions that the deputies were heard by me saying to some of these repeat people that they really needed to stop doing drugs so that they would also stop coming to jail.
I observed the situations that I had found myself in, and more often than once the songs in my thoughts were ones that I had not heard since I was a child, meaning that those songs in my head were placed there by my ʻAumakua, so that as their messages in song I would know that no matter what, I was going to be okay (As per Kendrickʻs song Alright) and that more than that – the song titled “Rise Again” …and a song that I had not heard since I was a kid in the pews of my dadʻs church. The latter of the two is about how Christ, according to the Christian religion, rose again, three days after heʻd been crucified.
…and I started hearing this song the Friday that I was physically in Los Angeles County Womens Jail, in Lynwood, CA…
Christ was on that cross on a Friday…he, too, was a Pisces…I Am a Pisces….
The other hymns were “Amazing Grace” and “Sing like David Sang…”
My daughterʻs name is Grace.
My partnerʻs name is David.
He sings with the very most beautiful voice…I Love This Man …
Think about it.
Nothing, I have found, is coincidental.
I took my time there as a chance…an opportunity…to do what I do with people who other people care to do nothing about…or for….
I do things for people, not about people, because that is what jail is meant for – to do something about the things that people display as acceptable behavior within their own social patterns and groups.
And I Am ALWAYS all of these things, making certain that at a momentʻs notice, I Am prepared to do what I do, which is help people follow their own Path without harming others or doing further harm to themselves. What I saw in the jail was only a fraction of what I know is the truth in there, what I know is how things go in there, and what I totally KNOW is NOT someplace that I belong for ANY reason other than to do my job as a Life Coach, as a minister and as that gentle energy of Aloha that, it seems, is not something that a whole lot of these women who are there a lot, or will be there for a while, are treated with.
In fact, more than one time, I was told that it seemed like I was truly the one human being in a few peoplesʻ lives who actually cared about what was going on in their lives and more, what they would do after the fact.
And hell yes I got to ask the question that started all of this for me, which was the question that I asked myself, still ask myself as part of my own self-coaching and healing.
If you have read my blogs for a while, or, better, have been coached by me…and even a lot of my friends have been asked and have been reminded to ask themselves the following:
You cannot keep bothering with scaring the hell out of yourself by asking you “WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW?” and instead ask the better question which is WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO FOR YOU NOW????
The more that these women queried me, the more that I began to recognize the bigger reason why I was there – they simply needed me, these women who would ask the questions about their lives, these women who would ask me to interpret their dreams for them, these women, a whole lot of them, without a dream in place. While I cannot believe the things that I heard and was witness to, in that short time in that place, the one thing that I have a deep belief in is that there were a few who told me that they were so very tired, that all they wanted to do was to live. This is when I would begin session with them.
It starts with me asking their birthdate so that I know what Astrological language I Am speaking and more, my asking what it is that they would do, for free, for pay, and that they love to do the very most? I asked them to think of the thing that they would do when they were children…did they play house? Doctor? Teacher? Most of them did not want to go back to their childhoods, believing that I was planted there to get information.
Yet, the more that I spoke with them, the more that they opened up, and from that moment it seemed that the right ones, with the right state of mind, and the right motives as well as the right support system in place waiting for them upon release (even if they did not have one, I was able to tell them how to get one…please, keep reading…) ended up in my awareness.
The thing that I was not ready for was afterwards, where I Am on this side of that slamming metal door, and on this side of the freezing cold dorms and this side of that energy of sheer sadness that just seems to allow itself into every nook and cranny that is the psyche of the people in that place. There is no way to get around its bleakness, and no way to tell when it is that you are or are not being played, for whatever reason. I was fortunate – I was told that my brand of intelligence is very well appreciated, and that when someone like me is in there, they donʻt feel so…ugly…inside of and about themselves because someone like me (you know – book smart) was scared enough to make the decision that Iʻd made and that offered me this once-in-this-lifetime, very unique (read;EWWWW) opportunity of being on the inside and doing my coaching work.
Most people who I tell these things to are amazed that I appear to not be worse than I was when they took me in there. If they only knew the truth in that, I Am changed, and while it does not feel like it right this moment, I know that it is for the better. I am certain that somehow, I probably needed to learn just a tiny little bit more of being humbled by things that I could not ever walk into and not have to worry, truly, for my safety.
Regardless of what your opinion is, these are still human beings and because of this, it is my duty …my Kuleana..to care enough to Kokua these people who just needed one more good idea.
Whether they bother to do anything with what I told them is up to them – I canʻt control the outcome.r
There is something to be said of caring for others, even when they do not realize that this is what you are doing, and namely when they do not know what you are up to. There is no instance of trust in there, at all, and this is the sadness, at least in part, that is being a woman in this day and age. It shouldnʻt be this way but it is, and because of this much, there is an entire population of us who feel like they have no where else to turn to.
Part of me feels like I made some sort of difference because I know that it made a huge one for me, and the more that I think about this, the more that I know that what I went through was not just for me to learn about these things, but, truly, some of those women needed to know that someone on the outside has the secret to change and all it takes is that we believe in the Magick that we are.
They do not believe this.
I had to show them some actual Magick.
Once they knew that I knew what I was doing, suddenly, they became hopeful. This is the Magick of true Aloha in action, and is the primary ingredient in Magick – Love, for real.
For the record, it, too, is one of the primary ingredients that I use in my coaching sessions – that thing called The Craft.
Those who I hope that I made some sort of impact on told me that they know I am for real, that they could sense some sort of reality that was mine that they could not understand, and that on the level that is the Soul, mine was a calming energy.
They need that in there.
There is no calm unless you are in your cell.
We shall say that I Am grateful to the women who I was housed with. They helped me get through that time, and I offered them hope in the possibility that they were not born to fail, but to learn, and that from this time in there that I was able to talk with them, they now had another set of options that they could, if they thought about it long enough, also see as their opportunities.
Jail, it seems, offered me a whole lot of opportunities, and jail is the reason that I Am writing this because from that instance I was offered yet another method of coaching to a demographic that I was but for a very short time a part of.
It is not something that I care to experience again.
One can only eat so many bean burritos, so much peanut butter and jelly, and drink so much Compton tap water in Dixie cups.
Carrots….I ate a whole lot of carrots, drank lots of milk and orange juice.
It still tasted like what I had always assumed “jail” “tasted” like. (And there, again, you see that in this turmoil was yet another opportunity to learn to stretch the physical senses…please, keep reading…)
…and the ringing off of the walls. It was not anger, neither glee, nor much other than the high pitched sadness of kids crying in the darkness…the youngest ones had just turned 18, and there were a couple who were pregnant…and it was just…sad.
And it made me very sad. It affected me very deeply. As an Empath, it was not the anger which rattled me but the thickness of sadness that wore a high pitched grief that bounced off the cold brick walls..
I was told, again and again, that I do not belong in there, that my best place to be is on this side of those doors, because outside on this side is where I have a better opportunity to get to those people who would end up in there, and all because they have nothing to dream about and nothing to hope for.
It is that bad.
To hear and to recall hearing a few of those young women discussing the next time they go to jail….it is the hardest thing that my 48 year old mom ears has ever had the misfortune of hearing. My only daughter just turned 20 years old. All I saw was her and all I knew was that I did right by her.
She recently graduated from college. She is my little Alchemist. She turns what some people see as their demons into another beautiful version of themselves. She was all I could see, and it was too easy for me to be that mom energy for one girl who was going to be able to go home soon.
Good for her.
Cancerian. And A lovely young woman who aspires to a college education.
I hope she does it.
I believe she will.
It is the saddest thing in the world to me to know that there is an entire demographic, just within the boundaries of Los Angeles County, and housed within the cinder blocks and steel that I can only and did refer to, at least to the few who I was able to get across to, that it could be a “womb or a tomb” and that it was their choice. They had the option to continue dying the same emotional death a little bit more every time they came back or, they could finally, now that they had the analogy of it being a womb rather than a place they were very familiar with for all of the very wrongest reasons.
Three chose to be reborn of the aching pain that numbed them. One confirmed that jail was not where she, neither I, belonged, and the last one?
A sweet southern Baptist Grandmotherly type woman from Mississippi whose words were both frightening and uplifting, both saddening and inspiring, who told me that I was right in that, and in not so many words, we all have the chance to be born again.
Of course, I chose to see it as a Womb from which would be birthed this more appreciative version of my Self who had been shown what happens when people make the wrong choices, when we do things out of fear and panic, or we do not do our level best in every way and in my case, when people are allowed to bully me to the point where they will go far past the thing that they are meant to be doing. to the thing that they ought to not be doing – yeah, me….. which is spending any time in that cinder block hell that no one wants to see from the other side.
Ka Makana (The Gift)
It was given to me, I like to believe, this time in the clink, for me to finally practice a different way of coaching and teaching others to heal themselves using their own Magickal means. No matter what it was that at least the few who I know were impacted by what were my sessions with them do with their time afterwards, I know that they at least have the idea in their heads to see things from another place within themselves, to know that they can see where they are as being the Pō where the future that is the Ao…the light of day, or, in this case, the light of realization that they have another chance everyday that they live and breathe.
I was, again, very dearly affected on the emotional level. It hurt me emotionally to be there, to know why I was there and to also know that it was a bunch of crap that I was.
However, on the level that is the person who is actively engaged in the manifestation of her own Life?
Yeah…it was nothing more than a glimpse of what it is that I Am Here As This Me for.
Because I Am The Healer Who was where she was needed so that another thing could bring fruition of the Truth that is blatant, that is apparent, that cuts through the Bones of the Soul in the most ugly fashion.
Those who need to know, know.
Those who donʻt know….thereʻs a reason….
Because I trust few people
I learned that in jail
To Trust Few
And to know that those few are exactly like I Am…
Enlarging our Territory….that, and to Be Brave in the Face of Fear.
Our opportunities come to us looking like the wreck that we are not, that we believe we are, that we have to see others as, just so that we know that we are not that, but, that we are where we need to be.
It is up to us to “see” the opportunity.
I “saw” it, and all of the signs, the confirmations…all of it…
Indeed…Seize the Day. “See” the Opportunities that arenʻt dressed up in a class or webinar.
Teach yourself who you will help heal next….
Yeah….methinks I have just figured out another program….this time, for the Wards…of the cities, of the counties, of the states, of the countries…of the World….
Save them from themselves.
Thatʻs what I did…helped them, I hope, at least think about themselves this time.
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